A Letter from Infinity Sword to You
by Rosamanelle
Summary: Because Infinity Sword decided to clarify EXACTLY how he feels about being in fanfics. Rated T for IS's foul mouth. Also, THIS STORY HAS MUTATED AND KEEPS GROWING. HELP.
1. Dear Fanfiction

_Dear Fanfiction authors,_

Fuck you.

Stop writing about me or I'll slice you into confetti. And that's a promise, not a threat.

_Love,_

_Infinity Sword_


	2. On Dimension Witch

_Dear Fanfiction authors,_

Why the hell do you guys think I like Dimension Witch? That fucking bitch is always getting in my way.

Really. She's such a fucking goody two-shoes who's way too dramatic and can't fight without throwing pink sparkles all over the place like a demented, sadistic, purely EVIL Crazy Puppeteer. Just LOOKING at her makes me want to vomit (hopefully _not _rainbows and glitter and butterflies like the shit Dimension Witch is so fond of). What the hell happened to the Aisha _I _knew?

She's totally not my style.

Plus Void Princess is less of a spoil-sport.

So fuck you and your 'ISxDW' fan pairing, that crap will never, EVER happen as long as I breathe.

And I mean EVER.

_Love,_

_Infinity Sword_

* * *

><p>[Quick AN:]

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AGAINST ISxDW, I WAS JUST WRITING THIS FROM A PURELY **IS PoV**. AND THAT'S WHAT I THINK HE'D SAY.

MEEP.


	3. On Consistent Reviews

_Dear Fanfiction authors,_

Go away.

I just thought I had to mention that, because you asswipes are all being PERSISTENT BASTARDS. Twenty fucking reviews for me complaining. Really? _Really?_

I'm not sure if I should be flattered or horrified.

You sadistic retards.

Not only do you appear to LIKE verbal torture, as proven by my first letter, you ENCOURAGE it (I'm looking at you, person sitting behind the computer or cellphone screen. I see you.) by picking a damn fight with me. You guys said you want to tie me up or use me in your crappy stories until I go bald? Hah! I'd like to see you try!

And that goes for you too, person typing this right now!

_Love,_

_Infinity Sword_

* * *

><p>[Quick AN:]

Because I literally laughed out loud reading some of your reviews and it would take up too much space to thank you all personally (Basically this crap is IS's way of saying thank-you :P).


	4. On ElsxAi

_Dear Fanfiction authors,_

It has come to my attention that the so-called 'canon pairing' is me with one of Aisha's classes. Traditionally Dimension Bitch or Void Princess, maybe Elemental Asshole if you're desperate.

Let me clear some things up with you.

One: I don't like any of them. Two: You're all fucking idiots.

Aisha's a bitch, always lecturing me on crap that I don't care about. I've already told you about Dimension Witch and I don't feel like ranting again (Still not happy about the rainbows, by the way). Elemental Master thinks it's fun to 'discuss quantum theory' and all that crap that I _really_ don't care about. Not to mention she likes playing whack-an-Infinity-Sword whenever she thinks I'm not paying attention (Which I'm not. Seriously, why should I listen to her shitty talking?). Void Princess is okay, but then she goes all bat-shit insane screaming 'I AM THE PRINCESS OF DARKNESS THAT WILL RULE THE WORLD WITH MY ITTY-BITTY BAT' while waving her axe around and that's a total turn off.

I could list a whole BUNCH of other reasons why me and Aisha were NEVER meant to be a couple, but you assholes would just use your crappy writer's logic and say 'But I want them to be together, so they'll be together!'

Typical.

_Love,_

_Infinity Sword_

* * *

><p>[Quick AN:]

Woot! Longest chapter of ALFIStY ever! And now I'm gone.


	5. On Christmas

_Dear Fanfiction authors,_

Merry Christmas, bitches.

_Love,_

_Infinity Sword_


	6. On Boy x Boy Pairings

_Dear Fanfiction authors,_

I'm REALLY starting to hate you guys.

No seriously.

Who the FUCK thought that it'd be a good idea to put me in gay romance stories?!

I have literally nothing against gays, but writing _me _as one?! You know what? Fuck you.

FUCK. YOU.

GO BURN IN HELL, ASSHOLES. YOU ALL DESERVE TO_ DIE_.

The next time I catch _anyone - _and I mean _anyone_ - writing a boy x boy story with me in it, I _will_ hunt them down.

And then I'll slice them and dice them and cut them and _kill them_ until their ancestors _bleed _and _drown_ in _pure pain_. I'll slice them to ribbons and _feed their fucking remains_ to Zombie Glitters.

You won't be able to find even the tiniest _sliver_ of those shitty authors.

But _gay romance stories?!_

Fucking hell damn twits fuck that shit apples goddess dammit assholes crappy bitches doing what they _fucking want fudge monkey POSSUM** SHIT-**_

_[Page is too blurred beyond this point to transcribe]_

_Love,_

_Infinity Sword_

_P.S.: _I really, REALLY hate you all.

* * *

><p>[Quick AN:]

Just re-affirming that I have nothing against anyone who is or identifies with LGBTQ. And can I also say that IS's cursing was really fun to write? XD


	7. On Daylight Savings

_Dear Fanfiction authors,_

Fuck 'daylight savings.' I don't need that crap, I need sleep!

Who wants to go beat the crap out of Glaive with me?

I bet the fucker's the source of all my shitty problems. That El-damned _bastard._

_Love,_

_Infinity Sword_


	8. On School

_Dear Fanfiction authors,_

Ha! You're all going back to school! That means you can't write your crappy stories about me because you're too busy drowning in homework!

TAKE THAT, MOTHER FUCKER!

_Love,_

_Infinity Sword_

* * *

><p>[Quick AN:]

Literally going to be my life very soon. Meep.


	9. Crimson Avenger Special

_Dear Fanfiction authors,_

...This is stupid. Why do I have to do this? Why does Infinity Sword even do this?

Tch.

Wasting my time.

_Love,_

_Crimson Avenger_


	10. On Valentine's Day

_Dear Fanfiction authors,_

Ha. You losers thought I was going to write something to bash Valentine's Day, didn't you?

Well, I didn't, and you all suck. Idiots who're too eager for these dumbass letters.

(But Valentine's Day is pretty lame, too.)

_Love,_

_Infinity Sword_

* * *

><p>[AN:]

Truth is I forgot. Whoops.


End file.
